9 drafts sit in my WordPress blog waiting to be published. Numerous photos of plants and harvested vegetables lie in my phone, waiting to be part of blogs that were planned, but never written, not even drafted. Fibromyalgia never went beyond the two introductory posts and Noor (my four wheeled beauty) has been waiting for her story to be told for a little over two years now. Blogs on specific topics were planned to be published at regular frequencies, but the plans never materialized.
Getting a passport is still a distant dream because I haven’t collected my degree certificate. It has been about 6 1/2 years since I graduated from college. I don’t have a driver’s license and a partially filled application to get one waits to be filled and submitted.
A pencil sketch of Guy Fawkes’s mask on one of the walls in my room hasn’t received the much needed finishing touch. The wall itself is one of the last three pending ones to receive a fresh coat of paint while its siblings have been painted a year ago. The bicycle’s tires have lost their breath and the bicycle is crying for some attention, even a quick service. It has received 3 services in 4 years and has been used collectively for about 2 months.
I prioritize my hobbies over necessities, so getting on with the daily life as a human is more important then getting on with it as a Unique Identification Number. There are only so many things that you can devote your energy to, but I tend to split myself between all my hobbies. The list of what’s unfinished is overwhelming, but the list of to-do things in life is much longer.
There’s not enough time, in the sense that life’s short to achieve everything, to do everything. Yet, I can’t not try my hands at another new thing. That’s who I am, a Jack of All Trades. I may never be able to finish that script I started writing, hoping to turn it into a movie, I may never be able to do all that I’ve set out to do. May be I’ll finish none, not a single project I’ve taken up, but I don’t see my ways changing anytime soon.
I can’t plan things, if I do then I can’t stick to them. I could never (and still can’t) clearly say what I wanted from life or what I want to be in life, in terms of career. I don’t have a clear cut picture of how my future should look like except that I want a rocking chair placed on the porch of a small house in the woods, a glass of whiskey on the rocks and a book in my hands, an old Hindi classic song playing in the background. I don’t even know how to turn that dream into reality, I’m not obsessed to turn it into reality.
Now, that doesn’t have anything to do with I being a Jack of All Trades. Rather, the fact that I’m intrinsically a lazy bum has a lot to do with these unfinished businesses. I’m too lazy to switch from the work I’m currently doing to the work that’s left unfinished. I’m lazy to stick to a plan, or to even come up with one. I’m lazy to sort through thousands of pictures to pick the best of those and publish them on a portfolio site. I’m lazy to build a career in photography or music. I’m just too comfortable with what I have. That’s inertia at play.
“Too many minds. No mind” says Nobutada in the movie The Last Samurai indicating that Tom Cruise’s character is trying to mind too many things around him while at war and that he has to instead not mind any of those. The only thing I can mind is my own business, and I have too many of them unfinished to not mind.