Where do I start? I’ve spent about 20 minutes thinking on what I need to write on today’s Daily Prompt – Casual. I haven’t spent that amount of time thinking about anything in life that could’ve given a different direction to who and what I am.
I remember sneaking under the cot and reading textbooks when I was five. My parents had to convince me not to study so much. I left that habit behind by the time I was six or seven years old. As I grew older and older, from school to college graduation, I’ve never taken studies seriously. While I attribute this aspect of my life to my indecisiveness in terms of what I want from my life, somewhere it has to do with the casual side of me. To take things lightly. Some of my friends, if they’re reading this would laugh and wonder why I’m lying.
It’s a fact though, that I take a lot of things casually – things that others, my peers, people of my age and people of every age when they were or will be of my age, would take the same things seriously. Like career, making money, buying a house, settling down in life. On the other hand, I’ve paid a lot of attention and spent a lot of energy and effort on things that others wouldn’t care much about. I’ve spent a lot of time and money on this blog, on a lady-love who I knew would never be mine, on my hobbies of collecting movies, on a small makeshift home theater setup, on travelling to the same place over and again and such.
I could’ve been many things, but I didn’t become those. Not because I didn’t want to become any of those, but because I wanted to become all of those. And sticking to that line of thought, trying to be everything, I never paid enough attention to any single time. I was a musician (I’m still at heart). I used to play Congas and then later Drums. Something I was never trained on. Although I was part of a music band for close to 4 years, I lost interest in pursuing that part of me. Had I spent half the energy I had spent in pursuing my lady love, I’d probably have been a successful drummer.
There’s photography. Something I’m still interested in. Yet, I am not pursuing it seriously. Why? I just don’t know. I even took up studies. I’m pursuing a Bachelor of Arts (I already am a Bachelor of Engineering) degree, but somewhere in my heart I know I’ve not given my best to it either.
I guess that’s part of who I am – being casual. I don’t appear as a casual person though. I’m an introvert, someone who doesn’t really socialize, someone who believes in sticking to principles. Yet, the bigger picture says a totally different story. Some might say I’m careless, that’s all. I know I’m not.
So am I feeling bad about it? No. I’m confused though. Am I killing a part of me because of this casual approach? Did a person who could’ve been a successful musician, a photographer or even a manager became a casualty of living life casually?